Archive for the ‘Only in Norway’ Category

Warmest Holiday Wishes from The Downward Spiral
December 21, 2007


Norwegian Christmas cookie recipe


I am two fools, I know, for loving, and for saying so in whining poetry.
November 3, 2007


Researchers investigating if Norwegians are big whiners.

Most aches in the world

October 30, 2007


$85.5 million operating loss in Q3, exceeding consensus estimates of $68.8 million.

But don’t worry, there’s a strong tailwind.

FAST Q3 2007 Financials

Another Stupendous NTNU Discovery
September 21, 2007

FAST was invented by scientists at the hallowed and esteemed NTNU in Trondheim. We’ve heard Norwegians refer to NTNU as the “MIT of Norway”.

Here’s the latest from the NTNU ivory towers. How do you like them apples?

Burping Moose Bad for the Environment

f4st s34rch roxxors!! U b33n pwned!!!
September 18, 2007

 When not busy trying to turn FAST around, FAST executives like to feel better about themselves by beating small children in board games.

FAST Search & Transfer sponsor Magnus
Sjakk-Magnus får million-sponsing

“Time for school, don’t forget your Glock!”
September 7, 2007

I hope you have a hall pass, because the hall monitor is packing heat!!!!

Armed for first day of school.

Maximizing Shareholder Value, Part Deux
September 4, 2007


That’s right, ladies and gentlemen…

A FAST-branded, usb-powered vibrator.

The other, other, other white meat
August 31, 2007


Whale shot in front of tourists

“Fish and guests stink in three days”, Ben Franklin
August 30, 2007


FAST acquires Convera.

Convera execs join Autonomy.

Federal Teams Leave Convera FAST to Join Autonomy

“You can’t teach people to be lazy – either they have it, or they don’t”, Dagwood Bumstead
August 30, 2007


Look on the bright side… the guy’s no idiot.

The financial woes of Fast

Revenue, we don’t need no stinking revenue!!
August 28, 2007

This article suggests that FAST’s revenue is not in harmony with the company’s expenses. Bah, where’s the fun in that? I personally love a good game of dodge the falling stock prices.

FAST Search & Transfer in Trouble

I’m no longer with stupid…
August 28, 2007

Apparently FAST has some good experience at getting rid of all of that dead wieght, here is an article from the layoffs of 2001.

FAST lays off “idiot” employees

She talks to angels…
August 28, 2007

 Apparently the Black Crowes are not the only ones who talk to angels anymore.

Norway Princess Claims She Talks to Angels
Norwegian Princess’s ‘Angel School’ Opens

“Jetson, you’re fired!!!!”
August 28, 2007

FAST has pulled a Spacely Sprockets and let George and a few others go in light of the recent financial troubles.

I hope Cogswell is hiring.

Search Provider FAST Lays Off 148 Employees
It even made news in Turkey

“The same matter cannot occupy the same space”, Max Walker, TimeCop
August 28, 2007


Opticom is a majority shareholder in FAST.

Opticom owners lose their majority stake in Opticom.

FAST acquires Opticom.

FAST gives back control to Opticom owners.

Fast Battle On The Norwegian Front

Will Fast Search & Transfer be sold?

Fast Search and Transfer takes control

This is the Greatest and Best Press Release in the World
August 28, 2007


Long time ago me and my brother Kyle here,

we was hitchhikin’ down a long and lonesome road.

All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon… in the middle… of the road.

And he said:

“Write the best, most informational press release in the world, or I’ll eat your soul.”

Well me and Kyle, we looked at each other,

and we each said… “Okay.”

And we wrote the first, most informational thing that came to our heads,

Just so happened to be,

The Best Press Release in the World, it was the Best Press Release in the World.

Fast Search & Transfer wins order with US govt agency

There’s Nothing Childish About Wanting to Conserve Energy
August 28, 2007


Fast Board of Directors meeting “scarred by a lot of quarreling and childish games”.

“The Guy Smiled”
August 28, 2007


Some would say Norway is very progressive. Many progressive civilizations have died out. Wondering how the archaeologists will unearth this one.

Woman Convicted of Rape

August 28, 2007


According to the cluster which was the Q2 07 results, FAST states that Memoranda of Understanding will no longer be counted as revenue.

No longer counted as revenue?

MOUs are never to be counted as revenue, either under GAAP or IFRS.