Funny how this officially comes out after the MSFT bid. It’s not too late for the bid price to slip a bit – you heard it here first.

Fast Search & Transfer to restate 2006 accounts, possibly 2007

And probably more to come, once the pink slips start circulating.

Many Fast Search & Transfer developers hate Microsoft

Slash and Lars Umlaut jamming on stage.

Or maybe it was just New Year’s Eve

The Spectacular Fireworks Above Oslo

Fast Search & Transfer stock is going up

So it looks like the meeting that Orkla is calling is to replace the Chairman of the Board. The stock jumps 20% on the news.

And you naysayers almost had me convinced that I was the only one that cared.

Orkla hopes to replace Fast’s Chairman

Norwegian Christmas cookie recipe

Usually these kinds of meetings aren’t to pass out Christmas bonuses, but rather a display of who has got the biggest rod.

Fast Search & Transfer receives EGM request from 13.7 pct shareholder Orkla

I’m at a loss to explain it, but here it is in it’s full glory for your enjoyment. Personally, I think a little more work could have gone into the pseudonym.

From “Larsy Lars”:

FAST has just revealed that it will announce it’s 2007 annual results on February 29thAt first we were amazed at the staggering 2 months it would take FAST to fabricate, er rather, add up the revenue they intend to report for 2007. And then we heard a rumor that it would be on this leap year day, that FAST would unveil the point of confusion that has led to $160 Million in losses and accusations of accounting fraud by everyone from Goldman Sachs to employees to a Norwegian Elkhound in the North that has apparently learned to count. 2008. It turns out there is a rumor FAST is in the process of arguing with Deloitte & Touche over whether The Gregorian calendar’s traditional leap year insertion of one day every four years to synchronize recorded time with astronomical events is the right way to be doing things. (From an accounting perspective, that is) Rumors have FAST executives arguing: “The Gregorian calendar is designed to keep the vernal equinox on or close to March 21, so that the date of Easter (celebrated on the Sunday after the 14th day of the Moon that falls on or after 21 March) remains correct with respect to the vernal equinox. FAST customers reportedly don’t give a pickled herring about whether the vernal equinox falls correctly. So FAST has elected to bring forward 8,000 years of incremental adjustments and apply them to 2007 to try and collect bad debts, turn MOUs into actual contracts and/or generally fatigue anyone who is paying attention to the bookkeeping. By doing so, the company has innovated to create an additional 7.54717 years to close business already reported to auditors.”Of course this could all be rumor and they might have scheduled their earnings on February 29th in the hope that choosing an obscure day 2 months after 2007 is long gone will minimize the audience.

Fast looks under rocks for revenue opportunities (Ezmo, British football gambling, questionable JVs, etc) – so this isn’t really all that ludicrous by comparison.

Netflix is currently offering a $1 million dollar prize to whomever can increase the effectiveness of the current movie recommendation engine by 10%.

In the Intra-Quarter presentation, there is a nice slide showing how Fast can enable movie recommendations.

Is this really the revenue growth strategy? If not, perhaps it should be.

Netflix Prize

Hopefully Fast has taken the lesson from Q3 to heart – which is don’t announce X in the Intra-Quarter preso, and then 50% of X in the actual results, only 2 weeks later.

Really not much of interest here, at least not in the form of gussied up quotes from phantom Disney employees. But, what’s there, certainly isn’t heartwarming to investors.

Slide 23 (Q4 Directions) guides to a EBIT loss of up to $20 millon … over 2x as big as average analyst expectations. EBITDA any better? Fast is guiding to up to 6x larger a loss than analyst expectations.

Slide 22 (the nicely termed “Other Items”) paints a pretty bad picture with respect to Ezmo. Fast’s $5.8 million investment is going to impact Q4, and they’re “actively looking for partners/co-investors” to bail them out.

I think it might be time for an intervention before we hit rock bottom.

Fast Q4 Intra-Quarter Presentation

Or so goes the old business adage. But it looks like the opposite is true.

UBS just announced at $716 million Q3 loss. What better way to stop the bleeding than by buying from FAST?

Fast Search & Transfer signs search platform deal with UBS

Fast is taking a lease in NYC with space for 40. What’s wrong with this picture? The fact that they’re paying for 9x more space than they need, or the desire to massively overhire a field sales office?

Computer Search Firm Finds New Space

Look closely and you’ll see some Guitar Hero gear…

Could it be?

Fast plans to double the number of employees in China, and open two new offices in Shanghai and Beijing.

All of this for the stated goal of increasing revenue contributions from Asia from the current level of 19% to 20%.

PS: This article states Fast is considering a dual listing in Asia or the Nasdaq. I don’t know what kind of tomfoolery goes on in the Asian exchanges, but the Nasdaq requires an audit for the previous 4 years. Good luck getting that pushed through.

Fast Search to Quicken China Expansion

Congratulations to Fast, on launching their newest money losing subsidiary. Ezmo is the social networking way to steal share music.

Is it legal? Of course it’s legal. Quoth the Ezmo FAQ:

“Is it legal?

Yes.”

You can’t make it any clearer than that. And this is from the country that ruled iTunes illegal, so clearly they know what they’re talking about.

Apparently, Fast didn’t learn from the first time they were sued over mp3 copyright violations.